#Those21Days #Day18 #Year2016

Isn't the pain of missing a loved one beyond words and interpretations? Everything just ends in a second, in a flick of a moment. Sooner or later in life, it becomes imperative that you deal with it. The intensity might vary, but no one is spared. That rising, choking sense of despair, of crushing loss! You must have certainly lived it at some moment - falling to the ground, blood draining from your face, your throat tightening, a wellspring of tears erupting, and your heart wishing it's all just a damned nightmare. You feel like you are kind of stuck in an agonising time warp, and you crave for a freakin' miracle, that makes the person return, to set you free. From living hell on earth.

Like the way, Kabali, who had returned from prison after 25 years after being framed for a murder, hopes against hope that his pregnant wife - the one person who had meant the world to him - is still alive, despite watching her being abducted by his foes amid the ensuing massacre. For the sexagenarian, the only true horrific day was, and still is, the day Kumudha had left him behind. When you lose someone at the most unexpected of moments, you try and remember the last time you saw them. That final sight! And most of the time, it's an agonising memory. You know why? Because, you would have no idea it would be the last, at that time, and it will keep coming back to kill you, piece by piece, flash by flash!

It had happened so quickly and quietly while he was looking away, brooding on a mind-crushing betrayal. Returning home after a couple of decades, and faced with excruciating taunts of her apparent death, he now desperately tries to put the puzzle pieces together, eyes moist, and wondering if she could be alive, somewhere in a corner of the world, waiting for him. But now, his life seems nothing without her, and at sixty, he finds it tough to move on with it, fearing she's never coming back.

நதியென நான் ஓடோடி, கடலினில் தினம் தேடினேன்
தனிமையின் வலி தீராதோ...
மூச்சுக் காற்று போன பின்பு நான் வாழ்வதோ?
தீராத காயம் மனதில் உன்னாலடி, ஆறாதடி

The cruelty of it all lingers fresh in Kabali's shattered heart as he recalls the last words she had spoken to him, before she had disappeared. "Come for me, Kabali. I will be holding on, somewhere, somehow! So, please." The line keeps reverberating through his screaming brain cells, as he realises that he never got to tell Kumudha how much he loved her, one last time. He didn’t get to hold her close, before she slipped away, somewhere into oblivion. He had failed to sense her danger. He had failed to protect the one soul, who had always believed that she was inviolable with his husband around.

வானம் பார்த்தேன், பழகிய விண்மீன் எங்கோ போக...
பாறை நெஞ்சம் கரைகிறதே!

And, for Kabali, the regret would come to him in quiet moments, like when he was going to sleep or when he had stopped to take a lunch break. It would seep to the foreground of his consciousness, and demand to be reexamined again, despite his cognizance that no amount of analysis was going to turn back the clock. Imagine dealing with that kind of guilt! Pin-point needles seem to pierce through the man's entirety. He doesn't fight back though, letting the seething pain seek the infinite answers. And for the weathered man, it feels therapeutic, in more ways than one.

ஏனோ இன்று தூரம் போனால்...
இடப் பக்கம் துடித்திடும் இருதய இசை என
இருந்தவள் அவள் எங்கு போனாளோ?

And now, with all the time and the means in the world to seek her out, his growing frustration drifts his thoughts to the past. When he had first met her, her soul-stirring smile had completely won him over. So too had her coral-black hair, her radiant eyes, her innate poise, the nonchalant charm, and her resounding air of confidence. And from the moment she entered his life, Kumudha had been his sole anchor. She had become the cure for his long-term issues with anger. She had given him purpose and balance. In short, she had made him what he was.

இரு விழி இமை சேராமல் உறங்கிட மடி கேட்கிறேன்
மழையினை கண் காணாமல்
மேகம் பார்த்து பூமி கேட்க நான் பாடினேன்!

Kumudha's thoughts only make Kabali drown further in helplessness. They are his master now. He is at the mercy of their whims and fancies. He badly misses the sound of her voice. The tone she uses when she's mad or upset. Her hug that would take his indignant face, and turn it into a blend of intent and composure. The softness of her hand and the silkiness of her hair, whenever she reached out for his shoulders. Her cooking, her unfettered laughter, her smart sense of humour, the way she could magically make everything better. The almost-hallucinatory reflections cause a weightless sensation in his chest; as he feels himself sinking through the cruel and relentless ways of destiny.

நீ இல்லா நானோ நிழலை தேடும் நிஜம் ஆனேனடி!

A surprising turn of events leads Kabali to his daughter, whose timely reassurance gives him a mighty ray of hope about Kumudha's existence, but, in the process, making him a different kind of an emotional mess, compared to what he was before. The journey to find the love of his life takes him to a variety of places; every stop making the sky-rocketing anxiety pound a little more on his brain, a bittersweet lump flowing uncomfortably in and out of his throat, and the mere imaginings of the meeting threatening to engulf him as a whole.

எங்கும் பார்த்தேன் உந்தன் பிம்பம்
கனவிலும் நினைவிலும் தினம் தினம் வருபவள்
எதிரினில் இனி வர நேராதோ!

And throughout the harrowing search, which lasts for days, every haunting memory plays out like a song in his head, repeating itself for what seems like forever. There has been nothing in his life, and there never could be another to replace what he and Kumudha had in the short time they spent together, and the anticipation of its return gives him this strange and heavy feel that he's not able to comprehend.

நதியென நான் ஓடோடி கடலினில் தினம் தேடினேன்
தனிமையின் வலி தீராதோ?
தூண்டில் முள்ளில் மாட்டிக் கொண்ட மீன் நானடி
ஏமாறும் காலம் இனி வேண்டாமடி, கை சேரடி...

Kabali's relentless pursuit of the life that had been mercilessly snatched from him, lands him in Pondicherry, where he finally reunites with his Kumudha, after 25 years, 3 months and 11 days. The moment is something that doesn't belong to the realms of this darned reality. Years of bottled up torment and the sudden shockwave of newfound elation result in a fusillade of emotions, that explode out like water breaching a dam. The beautiful blend of joy, relief, and gratitude surges with every expelled breath, reaching higher peaks, as they manage to come together for a soulful embrace.

Tears take over, and in that exact moment, the knowledge that the universe had conspired in bringing his Kumudha to him, just because he wanted it from the bottom of his heart, undoes him completely. All pretence of quiet coping is lost and he breaks down like a child, not caring about the people around. His arms clasp her tightly, in a heart-rending hug, and he's smiling, and come on, why shouldn't he? He has won over the savage ways of fate, and how!

வானம் பார்த்தேன், பழகிய விண்மீன் கை சேர...
பாறை நெஞ்சம் கரைகிறதே!

Notwithstanding how beautifully a couple coexists together, and complement each other, every epic tale of love needs one destined setback, enough to treasure their love; and their commitment, forever. #VaanamPaarthen, the poignant, soul-searching musical ode from Santhosh Narayanan, Kabilan and Pradeep Kumar - which pulls you with it through the whole of Kabali's roller coaster ride - is yet another emphatic proof.

- Mani Prabhu

Courtesy : https://www.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10158275655732803&id=625837802